No words

Dreams are cruel punishment

I hate to dream

I'm glad I rarely do.

I hate to dream

unless it's about you

unless dreams really do come true

here I will quietly sit

with nothing more to remind me of you

Publish my happiness

Two years ago

I didn't feel like dancing

My legs may not have held me up

They were frail and thin

Some days I think I eat too much

But when I bust out dancing in the kitchen

I am overwhelmed with love for my body

and its ability not only to forgive me

but for living when I felt like dying

Don't be fooled

We don't actually sit at that table

It's just there for decoration

Grocery Store Convo

M-It is amazing how much better I feel since I have been eating more. I actually have energy..

S- Ya, like food is good man.

You

Your hands are warm

Your heart is cold

My

My dance card may be full

but my heart is still empty

N.Y.C circa 06 Part 3

Outta nowhere I look up to see you next to me

I just looked around and now you are all I see

N.Y.C circa 06 Part 2

When did I lose me?

Did it start with you?

Will I ever find me?

Only when we're through

N.Y.C circa 06

What if she had to leave

What if there was no more space to breathe

I didn't try to be perfect

I didn't even try to be me

Past+Future+Present

Dear Past, Future and Present Maria,

Please treat your body well, this I promise, you will not regret.

xoxo

Dear future husband

please eat the tomatoes I put in your salad,

your prostate will thank me later

xoxo

I'd like to suggest we crossbreed Robert Pattinson and John Mayer. I would also like the finished product be dropped off at my door, with explicit instruction to adhere to my every wish and desire.

Thank you Santa, that is all I would like for Christmas.

why is it considered pompous to speak of the love you feel for yourself

why do we think we can't eat unless we burn off x amount of calories first

today:

i feel a peace I can't give a name

i look in the mirror to a face familiar

i am not perfect

i have looked much better

my abs aren't perfectly defined

my thoughts are often scattered

my words sometimes unkind

i am a work in progress

a constant success

how to be happy with what you do have rather than what you don't?

for example what I want vs what I have:

Want:

children

to stay home and be a mom

a warm home with a big kitchen

to feel fufilled

a tiny hand in mine

Have:

dogs

boyfriend

family who loves me

job

house

is there anything wrong with what I have? no. i am very grateful, i have been blessed. i have also neglected myself. i have taken what could have been and made it into it's never going to happen.

i have created what I do/don't have thus far. i have made mistakes i may never be able to right again.

i am not giving up.

Overwhelmed

Not all decisions are easy,

or even obvious.

Hindsight is seemingly perfect

reflecting can make you see

all you ever wanted

was once handed straight to you

and you threw it away.

If you don't love yourself, who will?

remember, your "fat" is someone else's 'skinny'

stop judging what you see

in the mirror

Focus on your who you are, the rest will

fall into place

Dear Future Husband

Please, never make me feel lonely, when I am not actually alone.

dear future husband

please never allow me to call you hubby

it is a horrific reference to what I know

will be a beautiful you

I like it when

the chocolate makes it's way to the bottom

of your cup

sitting there begging

teasing you

i am convinced it wants you

to want it

chocolate must be a man

look at me

want me

can't have me

Confessions Part Deaux

for a perfectionist

i embrace imperfections

like to not capitalize

not out of ignorance

but for the joy it brings you

to look at your sentences

and see a little of yourself

Confessions

Hot tea, not for me

I finally allowed it to be said,

I prefer something richer,

deeper, more flavorful

velvet flavors dancing on your tongue,

creamy,

hot teas just not for me.

The first of many posts to come

Dear Future Husband,

Please allow me to always be me,

I have been hard enough on myself,

I could use an open mind.

I could use a quiet hand to hold,

a heart of gold.

Please, promise to love me, all of me

I promise I'll do the same.

To whom it may concern

This blog, like myself, is a work in progress.

More to come.

Hump-day

Remind me again why they gave such a Durty name to such a innocent day?!

Well, my hump day was splendid, if splendid is work, Errands ( Ok shopping) and roasting so many carbs for dinner, that I actually had to hit up the gym to rid myself of all the carby energy.

I had many things on my mind at several points in my day, Now I have none.

Ok, maybe not none. I stumbled across a blog,Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell.

I could read her blog all the live long day.

What struck me were her letters to her future husband. Myself being the cinderella hopeful that I am

thinks the idea is genius.

That may be my next post.

Greetings

I seem to have created 1, 543, 200 blogs. I am looking to find one I like. Let's hope this is home.

If not I have a major identity crisis to avert.